Chad Ochocinco to try out for Kansas City (the soccer team). Seriously.

I'm not kidding.  Chad "I'm pissed because Charlie Sheen is actually loved by the public, what am I doing wrong?" Ochocinco-Johnson has been invited by Sporting Kansas City (the name still sucks) to a four-day tryout.

I'd be less annoyed with this if we didn't already have David Beckham pretending to be solid contributor to the league.  But now we have two douchebags that are good for nothing but being relentlessly cursed at by every paying soccer fan in America.  I almost hope he makes the team, so Jay DeMerit can take him out at the ankles (and that, ladies and gents, is the only time you'll see me support a Canadian team) and end all his careers at once (including reality TV, being liked by nobody, etc).

Dumb (left), with Dumber, at what is most likely a media circle jerk.